-Unmotivational Author-
J.Bear
THE BOOKS
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J.Bear has repeatedly been called "The Voice of a Generation" and it's doubtful that he'll stop saying that anytime soon. As a Genius, Un-motivational Speaker, and the World's Leading Unvironmentalist, he strives to Educate and Unlighten the Masses -- although he never strives too hard as that can be exhausting. Through his Non-Fiction, his Novels, and his Edited Works, he never loses sight of what is most important in Life: Not Doing Stuff....
GuideBook to Living RIGHT
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J've spoken to a lot of people, many of them publishers -- maybe the top publishers.... Look, they said that this is a perfect book, so -- and they're very knowledgeable in this regard. Top publishers. Probably in the World.​They tell me that this is possibly the best book. Frankly, maybe ever. They didn't say that about Obama's book, that's for sure. Mexicans won't like this book. Or the Snowflakes, but really I've said many times that KFC is delicious.​Thanks to the thousands, probably millions, of loyal readers who have made this book the most successful product ever sold in Human History, and our Founding Fathers, like Galileo and the American genius who invented the wheel. But not Wind -- I've never understood that...."
Paperback & E-Book Available NOW at:
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Asphalt, Now!
The first in our "My Little Attention Span" Pocket Book Series.
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Less than 100 pages & it's only about the size of a Galaxy Note! A favorite of our Millennial friends, as it fits easily in your pocket, backpack, messenger bag, or whatever stupid-ass hemp sack you drag around to carry your energy drinks, e-cigs, or trendy body spray that smells like a sweaty orangutan crotch. But even if you own a home or vote in Presidential Elections, we're still sure you'll enjoy it.
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In Asphalt, Now!, Unvironmentalist & Genius, J.Bear, answers the age old question, "Is Nature a Dick?" Spoiler Alert: Yes. Yes it is.
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E-Book Available at:
Denianetics 3.0
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Before "Asphalt, Now!" was released, "Denianetics" was probably the most important book ever written, prompting Joe Strummer to call it "...the only book that matters." Of course, Mr. Strummer has been universally misquoted since then, which is just shameful. If you don't believe me, ask him yourself.
This seminal masterpiece first introduced the World to Sedentology -- the fastest growing Un-motivational Life System of all time. In its pages you'll find the Key to True Happiness & Bliss. You'll discover the Joys of Not Doing Things, and the pitfalls of a motivated life. "Denianetics" is 100% Guaranteed to Change Your Life, even if that change is only to decrease your net worth by $12.99
Available in Paperback or E-Book:
The Young Person's Guide to: Christianity
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In this heartwarming and faithful homage to Christianity, J.Bear presents the unfiltered words of Father R. Thomas Stanley, a Catholic Priest who is currently "On Sabbatical" in a Federal Institution for some minor indiscretions -- or was it indiscretions with a minor? I forget.
J.Bear wrote the Foreword for this book, as well as compiling & editing the many letters he received from Fr. Stanley, who somehow got the impression that J.Bear was a 12 year old altar boy. The Lord works in mysterious ways. In his own uncensored words, Fr. Stanley explains exactly what Christianity is all about. So get out of the mosh pits and save your Soul alongside the good Father. Or maybe you'd enjoy roasting in Hell with the rest of the rapists, serial killers, and un-wed mothers. The choice is yours. You little heathen....
New Edition Coming EVENTUALLY!
Bend No More...
A Spoon Lover's Guide to: Mentalists
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In this controversial expose, J.Bear blew the lid off of one of the longest running cults in Human History: Mentalism. From its earliest days in Ancient Egypt, to the twisted tableware of Uri Geller, to the lackluster mopes who currently cruise the college entertainment scene, J.Bear pulls back the velvet curtain to show us the ugly truth of this creepy, creepy industry.
If nothing else, this book documented a history of stale unoriginality, exposing an industry that has somehow survived while performing the same act over & over, for the last 4,000 years. Unfortunately, this book is no longer in print, as an independent journalist cannot overcome the clout & power of "Big Spoonbender."
OUT OF PRINT
OUT OF PRINT
Death, Inc.
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The first, and possibly last, Sedentological Novel. Although it received positive initial reviews, "Death, Inc." was never released to the general public.
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This is primarily due to the fact that some of its major concepts (or concepts too similar for comfort) soon appeared in "The Matrix" film, the "Dead Like Me" TV Show, and others. J.Bear has always considered it ironic that his first Un-motivational Novel so quickly became a practical Sedentological exercise -- demonstrating that putting time & effort into any project is almost always a waste of time. If he hadn't bothered with this one, who knows how many more hours of bar time he could have enjoyed.
OUT OF PRINT
OUT OF PRINT
The Lost Testaments
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J.Bear wrote the Introduction to, and edited, this phenomenal book, which is based on ancient source documents. Through first-hand letters, memos, and the long undiscovered Testament of Chet, we are taken on a fascinating journey through Time. As we are introduced to a revelatory new version of Jesus' life and death, we also learn an Un-motivational Lesson about the horrible, horrible dangers of Hope & Faith. Multi-tasking. Wow....
OUT OF PRINT
OUT OF PRINT
Diapernetics
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Dedicated to Cheddar Tens, this book was written as a way to teach your child about the joys of an Un-motivational Lifestyle -- from the womb to the tomb. Starting during the early gestation period, a parent who truly cares about his/her child's True Happiness can get an early start.
Only a select few copies were ever published, as it became quickly apparent that even parents who practice Sedentology just aren't prepared to acknowledge that their child will be extremely average and unremarkable in any way. Instead of embracing this fact with joy and acceptance -- as any Sedentologist should --they tried to embrace J.Bear's throat with rage and anger.
OUT OF PRINT
OUT OF PRINT
Manicfesto
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J.Bear's Second, and not quite existent, Sedentological Novel. This story about a devout lone nut who loses his way has been an on-again, off-again project for several years now.
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It may never be finished, but you just never know. If nothing else, J.Bear hopes the manuscript will be "found" after his death, and published posthumously to cover K.Bear's living expenses -- or at least to pay for his lavish wake and mink burial tuxedo.